I Believed but Nothing About Me Changed
It has been three years and I still struggle with the same things. Did it not take?
Answers (1)
Something that may be a relief first: Paul wrote almost exactly this. He said the good I want to do, I do not do; the evil I do not want to do, I keep doing. The person writing that wrote more of the New Testament than anyone. So still failing in the same areas is not evidence that it did not take; it is a state the New Testament describes explicitly. But you asked seriously, so here is a usable way to assess it. Do not look at whether you fall. Look at these. Do you mind afterwards? Being troubled by what once did not trouble you is itself the change. Sensitivity of conscience is one of the earliest things to shift. Frequency and duration. Three years ago it was daily and now it is weekly; it used to take two months to climb out and now it takes two days. Those changes are hard to notice yourself, because you only remember the most recent occasion. Direction rather than position. Someone walking a mountain path who only watches their feet thinks they have not moved. Look back at yourself three years ago — not the feeling but specifics: how you handled conflict, how you spoke to family, what your first reaction to a problem was. And ask someone who has known you three years. That is usually far more accurate than self-assessment. One more layer: change in Scripture is never automatic and never instant. Its images are farming and growth, which have seasons and slow stretches. Practically: do not carry the same thing alone for three years. Most long-stalled struggles are stuck on isolation rather than willpower. Tell one person. If addiction or trauma is involved, that needs professional help, and seeking it is not weak faith. And do not assess three years on your worst day.
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